TRUMP: “There’s a group called “White Dudes for Harris”… but I’m not worried about them at all, because their wives and their wives’ lovers are all voting for me.”
TRUMP: “Chuck Schumer is here looking very glum — But look on the bright side, Chuck, considering how woke your party has become, if Kamala loses, you still have a chance to become the first woman president.”
TRUMP: “All polls are indicating I’m leading big with the Catholic vote, as I should be, but I don’t think Kamala has given up yet. Instead of attending tonight, she’s in Michigan receiving communion from Gretchen Whitmer.
TRUMP: “A major issue in this race is childcare, and Kamala has put forward a concept of a plan… The only piece of advice I would have for her in the event she wins would be not to let husband Doug anywhere near the nannies.”
TRUMP: “I’d like to poke some fun at Eric Adams — The mayor’s dietary restrictions are well known. But I’ve got to say, I’ve never met a person who’s a vegan who liked Turkey so much.”
TRUMP: “The stupid show, the View is so bad now, that the other day I was watching it and thinking to myself, ‘They need to bring Rosie O’Donnell back.’”
TRUMP: “I used to think Democrats were crazy for saying that men have periods. But then I met Tim Walz.”
TRUMP: “I’d like to thank our M.C. this evening, Jim Gaffigan. Most recently, Jim has been playing Tim Walz on Saturday Night Live. That’ll be a very short gig, Jim, but it was fun while it lasted!…
Unfortunately, Governor Walz isn’t here himself. But don’t worry, he’ll say that he was.”
TRUMP: “I hear that Kamala and her husband carve out some really beautiful alone time at the end of the day for an intimate dinner. Just Doug, her, and the teleprompter.”
TRUMP: “I know Kamala is worried because she spends a lot of time complaining I won’t agree to another debate. But the truth is, I’ve debated twice this year. Once against Joe Biden and once against David Muir.”
TRUMP: “The fact is, we need new leadership in this country. Right now we have someone in the White House who can barely talk, barely put together two coherent sentences, who seems to have the mental faculties of a child… But enough about Kamala Harris.”
TRUMP: “Joe has almost disappeared from view. The only way he could be seen less is if he had a show on CNN.”
TRUMP: “I was shocked when I heard that Kamala was skipping the Al Smith dinner. I’d really hoped she would come because we can’t get enough of hearing her beautiful laugh.”
TRUMP: “But if you really wanted Vice President Harris to accept your invitation, I guess you should have told her the funds were going to bail out the looters and rioters in Minneapolis and she would’ve been here guaranteed.”
TRUMP: “My opponent feels like she does not have to be here, which is deeply disrespectful to the event and in particular to our great Catholic community — The last Democrat not to attend this important event was Walter Mondale and it did not go very well for him.”
TRUMP: “It is a true pleasure to be with you this evening… and these days, it’s really a pleasure ANYWHERE in New York without a subpoena for my appearance.”
https://www.facebook.com/HygoNewsUSA/videos/27735026399429182
All of Trump’s Best Jokes: White Dudes for Harris, glum Schumer first woman president, Jim short gig